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Trespassing Time

April 13, 2012

This is the Photo Prompt from Madison Woods, Friday Fictioneers.

http://madisonwoods.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/van-winkle-tunnel.jpg?w=500&h=421

Come up with a story, 100 words, more or less, based on the above picture.

Trespassing Time

Luanne was meeting Jordan at three by the tunnel. She got stuck after class and arrived late.   The elderly man sat alone on the bench. He seemed to know Luanne, who ignored her impulse to walk away. His smile was familiar and she went over.

“I stopped at the bakery,” he said, holding out a small white paper bag.  “Bought your favorite.”

She reached in, and took out a chocolate-dipped cookie. It was her favorite, and it was delicious. “I got delayed at school.”

‘School?” he repeated, looking around the room.

“So much homework.”

He folded the bag. “So much.”

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30 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2012 4:54 am

    Wow, that’s a lot of homework — if I’m reading it right. Is the old man Jordan?

  2. April 13, 2012 5:00 am

    Some kind of rip in the time space continuum? I’ll chew on this one for a bit and see what else I come up with.

  3. April 13, 2012 5:39 am

    Very cool…so much to ponder and try to figure out…through it all there is this stream of gentleness for me…liked it

    Sharing mine: http://wp.me/p1aAEA-tz

  4. April 13, 2012 8:00 am

    …ah that never ending homework, enough to make the young old.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/

  5. April 13, 2012 11:50 am

    It feels like someone suffering from some kind of mental problem, or possibly dementia? An old woman believing she is experiencing a memory, with the old man actually being her husband, trying to take care of her?
    It’s certainly a thinker. Seems like there’s much more to this one than meets the eye.

    Mine’s this-a-way:
    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/134/

    • April 14, 2012 4:02 am

      I guess the key is the reliablity of the opening narration. If the story opened with, “I stopped at the bakery…” there would be no doubt where the “reality” of the story took place. I guess it might work just as well, perhaps better and less confusing, if that opening narrative was shifted to the end. revisions revisions. Thanks for your perceptive comment.

  6. April 13, 2012 12:06 pm

    At first I thought it was some kind of time / space thing. Now I agree with Gary, especially when the husband looks around the room.
    Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/

  7. Lora Mitchell permalink
    April 13, 2012 4:11 pm

    Perplexing. Needed to read and ponder several times. Still confusing. I’ll read other comments – others may solve this puzzle. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  8. April 13, 2012 5:45 pm

    I watched my great grandparents have a conversation similar to this they both had Alzheimer’s.
    Very well done.

  9. April 13, 2012 7:46 pm

    I have to go with this one being about two people who are in the same general location but obviously experiencing two very different realities. Definitely one to ponder on.

    • April 14, 2012 3:52 am

      Yes, that’s a big part of it. The reality created in one person’s mind carried to an extreme, so that one actually sees a different place and time than what the person they’re with sees. Thanks for the perceptive comment.

  10. April 13, 2012 7:48 pm

    If she really did get held up long enough for Jordan to become the old man, then why is the cookie still fresh and delicious? Details, details. There are no apparent answers and the only clues we have are the bread crumbs of your words. Nice story, nevertheless.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  11. April 13, 2012 10:33 pm

    Is Jordan related to Benjamin Button by any chance?
    Interesting and intriguing piece! 🙂

  12. April 14, 2012 4:16 am

    Much enjoyed.

    Reminds me of Ray Bradbury’s carousel ride in Something Wicked This Way Comes.

    Great idea!

  13. April 14, 2012 5:08 am

    Having read the story and the comments, I’m going with the dementia version, but I think it was the switch in perspective that threw me – it wasn’t clear to me that we were in his head for “room” when we’d been in hers previously. Anyway, cute story.

    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/

  14. Madison Woods permalink
    April 14, 2012 6:43 am

    Ah, so I believe they are both experiencing a different reality, even though both are at the same place at the same time. Very interesting pov 🙂

  15. April 15, 2012 8:41 pm

    I’m thinking there is some role playing going on here…

    http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/

  16. April 16, 2012 12:01 pm

    My aunt’s boyfriend has Alzheimer’s. He’s in a care home now. She visits regularly, and he often inquires after his wife, who died before they met. Rather than break the news to him over and over again she just tells him she’s OK. Just going by what she’s told me, the subtle change in the old man’s demeanour here rings very true to life. Excellent job.

    • April 19, 2012 4:45 pm

      Thank you. I appreciate your comments. Sometimes ‘write what you know’ can be good advice.

      I wish your aunt patience and strength.

  17. April 16, 2012 12:08 pm

    This is a very interesting story. I like that it allows the reader to take their own path of understanding. I like it!

    • April 19, 2012 4:53 pm

      I think it’s always a good thing to let the reader use their own imagination and associations. It’s really a balancing act. Thanks for the comment.

  18. April 19, 2012 5:55 am

    Wow, intriquing.I really want to know more!

    • April 19, 2012 4:54 pm

      I’d like to pursue this premise. Longer will allow me to develop both these characters. Thank you for commenting.

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